i cant deal with this space anymore. i need something new.

i'm moving. it looks exactly the same but then it's a new me.
so add me please.

i hope this ends everything properly.
i do not regret anything. just that i need to leave it behind me.
i cant go on dwelling D:

and tobes, now you have somewhere new to stalk.

 i think i'm going to stay.

this was part of my life.
it was my choice. i'll have to deal with it.

it was such a cold parting.
like a rational decision.
that's not how supposed to end 6 years of being so close.

but i guess i've changed the way i use to think. and really, i need to deal with the fact that i've changed.
suddenly it hit me, what was between us, even though it was strong and i was contented, i was always not happy about my relationship with him.
giving all i've got all the time to make up for what he couldn't do makes it so tiring all the time.
calling and not having him pick up was so painful.
having him sleep all day while i was looking to spending sometime with him would be the most cringe worthy thing.

mum always said, he was not going to go anywhere. not in life, not in studies. and that i could try to help him, but then theres only so much that i could do and the rest would be up to him not to sit back on his ass and just do nothing.
but he did. he always did. getting himself into a world of trouble because of stupid decisions.
and i'm not trying to say that i'm in the right or am very cool to do this, but i always dragged him out of the holes he'd get himself into.
i loved him. so so so so so much, but then i don't think it would be right to start the year when i turn 21 like this.
i want to be someone wholly complete.



whatever it is,  que sera sera. if you know, then you know. and when it's time to let go, let it go.
even if your world comes crashing down in the middle of nowhere, just cry and let it envelope you.
there are people around you who still care.
i think.

lili and lulan, where are you? i really need to talk to you.

 i'm leaving here.
it's too much.
way too much left here for me to be hurt by.

it's all my fault.
i just want to be free from the things that were making me unhappy.
i love you still. just that i dont think that this is good.
this wasnt good for me from the start.

i should purge this journal.
remove all traces of you.

i miss you. and i dont.

but it was a good six years together. and we will both move on.

 tobes, stop stalking people.
why did you go off so early today?
i was sadded.